Oh Boy
Jun 30, 2008 Sara asks:
I'm pregnant with my first child at the moment and we just found out it's a boy. I was raised in a house full of girls, even down to the dogs. I rarely had guy friends growing up, and the ones I did have were gay or questionable. I know absolutely nothing about boys or how to raise them. To me, girls are the easiest things in the world. Got any suggestions on how to keep myself from putting our son in fluffy-polka-dotted-lace-covered little outfits, or things I should know about raising boys????
By the way, I gotta say that I love this sight and your own personal sights. They always bring humor to my day!
BusyDad:
First, congrats! And second, thanks for the props on our sites! We love compliments, and it’s a bonus when someone thinks we’re funny, besides ourselves.
This boy thing. Don’t worry. My mom wanted a girl when I was born. She took matters into her own hands and prettied me up in dresses and paraded me proudly around the playground to the delight of all the little old ladies. I think I turned out ok, right? I mean, every once in a while I get the urge to prance about in something frilly, but besides that, you could never tell.
I am making the assumption here that you are not raising the boy with his father; otherwise, you wouldn’t be worried about the lack of male influence. Regardless, I’m confident that things will take care of themselves, especially once school or daycare starts. And there’s this wonderful child-rearing tool called TV. With those two factors on your side you’ll be swimming in Autobots and Decepticons (more like stepping on them, so never walk barefoot once weapon-oriented toys are introduced to the household) before you can say “Transform! And Roll Out!”
Just go with the flow here. I am a strong believer in natural gender tendencies. Boys will be boys no matter what you do or don’t do, so there’s no need to steer his preferences, toward (or away from) anything. Just raise him with a strong sense of right and wrong. And good manners. The other stuff falls into place by itself.
Mr Lady:
Now, I am going on the assumption that dad IS around, given your usage of "our". I'll tell you a little something; my husband cried, like WEPT, when each ultrasound came back boy after boy. He is the only boy from a home with two sisters and a single mom. He wore silk nightgowns until he was 8. He knew nothing about raising boys.
The thing is, babies are just babies. They all like the same things (boobs, onesies, a good poop) and you won't even have to WORRY about gender for a long time. You'll, in fact, be so bloody f'ing tired, you won't notice if you birth a cheetah for the first 4 months.
When the little personality pops out, then you'll start getting into the swing of it. 
And dad will SO teach you the boy ropes. Master the art of "Pull My Finger", practice up on your Lego building, and cover any open outlets, lest that little man attempts to re-wire your home. Don't worry about craving the pink frill; there are plenty of totally bangin' boys things, too. Wanna get really psyched? Check out www.babywit.com. That should keep you fairly occupied for a while. Works for a boy or a girl, but who can resist the power of 3 inch Vans? If you can, you're dead inside. That's all I'm saying.
Also important to know is that girls are NOT easier, not by a lot. Sure, they wipe their own butts earlier and do better in elementary school, but they come out with pom poms in their hands and tiaras on their heads and their first word is MINE. (Oh, and they're not at all discreet about masturbating. Just so you know.)
My first two little bundles of tax deductions were boys, and I couldn't be happier about that. Boys are awesome. They are rough and tumble. They are fun. You're going to do great.
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Reader Comments (7)
Seems like the question about whether the father is involved is fairly crucial to the response on this one. I'm not sure I totally agree with you, BD (first time, sorry dude). I think that having the father around has a considerable amount of influence in what "type" of man the child ends up being. And, regardless of how well a mother does and involving her kid in "boy" activities, there will still be something missing, just as there would be were the mother not around. I think the main thing is to try to get them involved in things like sports, martial arts, etc. at a very young age. Being around other boys will teach him how males behave early on and give him a good foundation on which he can build.
Hey Guys,
I must add, in the words of one of my favorite Monty Python sketches: "isn't it a bit early to start imposing roles on him?"
(If you don't know the reference, click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arCITMfxvEc)
There's a slightly serious side to that great line - you may find (as I have with one of my boys) that you've given birth to a budding [insert your favorite effeminate male stereotype here]. In my case my boys were twins, so we're pretty sure it had nothing to do with anything we (his parents) did. Our guys just came pre-wired differently, and I think the best you can do is follow their lead. Sure, chances are they'll fall right in line with the fart-jokes, Transformers, and violent video games, but they might not, so my humble advice is "wait and see" before you decorate his room with WWF posters or what have you.
Oh, one more thing: boys are something like 5 times more likely to have developmental issues of various kinds (autism, Asperger's syndrome, ADHD, etc.), and rates have been steadily rising, so be extra-vigilant about that stuff, because the earlier you catch & treat it, the better.
Above all, enjoy and have fun! :-)
- Michael
Ya wanta know what I think? Yeah I didn't think so. You guy/gal summed it up good.
The fact that girls "wipe their own butts earlier," causes me to cry out loud "I want a refund!" If I knew that I would have had a girl rather than The Boy. I keep telling people that I will discontinue my baby ass wiping diaper changing soon as the boy starts talking to me while I'm doing it. I can see it now, time to change a diaper, I'm pulling out the wipes and holding his ankles up, The Boy looks at me and asks, "so what are we having for dinner tonight?" That's the day I stop wiping butt and begin outsourcing.
I came from a home were it was me, my brother, my dad and my poor mother. Until I met my wife, I had never had anyone tell me to put the seat down on the toilet. Seriously. Mom figured if we left it up she was less likely to sit in a puddle.
Fast forward to today. I'm the father of two girls. How the hell do you "play barbies?" Seriously, I have no clue, but I did figure it out.
The kids figure it out on their own, but a word of advice for the parents of a new little garden hose, cover that thing up when you are changing the diaper...unless you like the taste. You never know when that things is going to go off. Girls just don't seem to be able to produce the golden fountain as well.
I always swore if I had a boy I'd put him up for adoption. Well, it's been 15 months and I still have him. In my basement is a huge box of frilly hand-me-downs from my niece. I picked through them for the most gender neutral. Can we say orange pants with pink, purple and red stripes and a red or purple t-shirt? Ah well, he can use his college savings account for therapy, right?
I SO have to get in on this one. I have two girls, one is the GIRLIEST of girls but still loves to burp and fart, and talk about it, and has a great vocabulary which includes endless use of the word VAGINA. I'm also going to concur with Mr Lady, not shy about self-service. The other of the two, well I'm not quite sure yet, I wouldn't call her girly, but likes to play with dolls and jump off of high places equally. She also "owns" her big sister on a regular basis, quite literally wipes the floor with her. So what am I saying? I had a huge discussion about "Nurture vs. Nature" recently with my sister who has a boy and what came of it? I suppose Whatever will be will be, have fun, teach him respect (or at least try to) and by all means, get him cool clothes now, while he'll still let you choose.
Thanks so much for all the hilarious tips. So, the answer to the big question is yes, his daddy and I are married and he is very much a part of the pregnancy so far, and I believe will be a fantastic and active father. I will be very lucky if our boy turns out to be anything like him. My only thing is that my urgency to put him in the same purple tu-tu that I bought my neice this weekend may not be controllable by my hubbie! LOL! I do have to say that the response to my question has kept me doubled over in laughter and I can't wait to hear more!