Before we get started, Kelby Carr at Type A Mom is just about to launch a site dedicated solely to dads, Dadosphere.com, and she's looking for a few good men to hire as Editors!  Visit if you're interested!

Boss Sanders writes:

Can you give us a list (of maybe 5 items)- from each of your point of views of what dads want most for Father's Day? With a stipulation that Mr. Lady isn't allowed to ask for any help from a man - only because it'll be more interesting that way. Almost like a "What we think they want and what they really want" kind of post!

And, of course...with pictures and links!

Mr Lady:

I dunno....sex? Seriously, who the fuck knows?. Men, I tell ya. I'm going to run with BusyDad's answers and just tell you about My Father's Day Gifts that have Flopped.

• Stuff for stuff (that he doesn't already have.) Apparently, I have bought my husband a lot of gifts like trinkets for his desk at work, when he didn't actually have, oh, a desk at work. Lesson: Make sure he can actually USE what you get him.
• Close, but not quite. One year I got my father some really cool Star Wars thing, like a Light Saber Remote Control and the THX surround edition of Episodes 4-6. I was really proud of it. I just knew he loved Star Wars and would be so thrilled. But, turns out, he's really into Star TREK and my boyfriend at the time was the Star WARS freak. Lesson: Do your research. Don't mix up your men.
  
• Spiteful, rub-it-in-your-face gifts. Even accidental ones. One year, the man and I were spilt up and for Father's Day, I gave him one of those collage frames full of pictures of him and the kids. Whom I had custody of. Whom I had TAKEN from him. I really thought I was being nice, at the time, but we still have that frame, and I cringe every time I look at it. Lesson: Don't be a total bitch.

In my defense, I'll tell you a few things I've gotten that have been received reasonably well:

• Electronics. Like, a Palm Pilot thing. Or a cool ass new cell phone. You know, penile extensions.
• Sporting Equipment. Like, say, the driver you'd never let him drop the money on, or ice skates so he can go with the damn kids once and a while.
• Stuff straight from the kids. When we were little little kids, before my parents joined up the crazy cult that thought Father's Day was Da Deh-bil, my mother took my brother and I out and got my dad a little framed mirror thing. The mirror wasn't more than 4 inches tall, 3 wide, and had a little clay caricature dad guy on the bottom right base of the mirror. It said, above the mirror, "World's Best Dad." There's no way it cost more than 75 1970's cents, and it's nothing one reasonable adult would ever buy for another. WE picked it, WE gave it, and he still has it to this day on top of his bureau.
• The day off, already. Book his best friend for the day, set a tee time and rent him a cart. Tell him to be home before dark. He'll totally "thank" you for it, later.
• Beer. Shut up. Good, random, cool, not PBR beer is a great gift. Something hard to find. Something out of the ordinary. They love it, and it's kinda inexpensive, you know?

BusyDad:

Ah, the holiday gift guide! Thank you Boss Sanders for making us feel so “media.” I’d be very happy to oblige. Let’s just get right into it.

It’s not a necktie but goes quite nicely with one.
I love my son’s artwork. It’s cute and it cracks me up. Fortunately, I have a blog where I can proudly show it off. But wouldn’t it be great if you could do that in the real world? Well you can. With class.

Check out Magic Dog Studio. I met the owner of this online shop a few years ago through my old job and I have been meaning to get something from her ever since. Send her your kid’s artwork and she will turn it into a pair of cufflinks! If French cuff shirts aren’t your thing (I dig 'em because they are old school classy with a suit), she can also turn it into a one-of-a-kind pendant. Tell me that’s not the coolest thing you've ever heard of.

It’s a primal thang.
I don’t care if your man is a backwoods survivalist or a cubicle warrior. He will love a good knife. You can’t ever go wrong with a knife. You don’t have to go all Rambo with it, but anything with a nice blade will make us giddy. And throw in a compass. I have no idea why. Maybe it’s the manly feeling we get knowing that if all civilization were to be obliterated my the great robot uprising of '09, we’d have something to kill food with and a means to guide us to the last human stronghold located exactly 310 degrees northwest. I could kill me some feral pigs with this, and saw me a stick to cook it with.

For 30 minutes he’ll think it’s a test and ask “are you sure?” about 50 times.
But once it sinks in that you’re serious, he’ll brag to his friends how cool you are. Get your man tickets to a concert or sporting event. And then buy one more. Not for yourself. But for his best buddy. We love going to stuff with you, but nothing beats a “man date” that involves beer, rowdiness, lots of high fives, chest bumping and ogling the ring girls with impunity. It’s a much needed masculine re-boot. Especially for a family guy.

 I put these on and thought “holy shit.”
I would have said it out loud but my kid was sitting right there. Yes, I already got my Father’s Day gift because I am going to China on business in less than a week and will miss Father’s Day, and will need these on my plane ride. Insanely enhance the iPod experience with a pair of Bose in-ear headphones. It is impossible to justify spending close to one week’s grocery bill on a pair of earbuds when you have a family, so this makes the perfect gift. I’m listening to them right now as I type this on the train. I can actually hear Willie Nelson sneaking puffs between stanzas. But I can’t take credit for this one. My wife bought me these, so it was her brilliant idea. She is really good at getting the perfect gift.

I would never leave the house...

... if this were my wall. That’s Jack Daniel’s Single Barrel. The Entire. Freaking. Barrel. 240 bottles of JD’s premium line of Tennessee Whiskey. For about $9,500 your man will worship the ground you walk on and never give you as much as a peep when you buy yet another pair of shoes. Hell, go buy 10. Knock yourself out, I’m enjoying my new wall. And you even get the barrel itself, which makes for a beautiful home centerpiece. Plus, your name goes on a plaque at the distillery (where I took this pic), right up there next to George Strait’s. Maybe I will start a Paypal fund. Anyone?

For slightly more affordable alcohol-related gift, may I present to you the Beertender by Krups ($279). I’m an Alton Brown fan, so I steer clear of uni-taskers, but come on, a task as important as providing you with cold beer is important enough to warrant its own dedicated tool. I’m making an exception. Only problem: this was a joint venture by Krups and Heineken, so it only works with the Heineken mini keg. Total bummer. I was at Bed, Bath and Beyond looking at this with my 6-yr. old son Fury this weekend and told him I wasn’t a huge fan of Heineken (it has a grape soda aftertaste) and told him that because Heineken made it, they won’t let you use it with other beers. “That’s so selfish,” he said. Yeah, little dude. Selfish indeed!