Sara asks:

I'm pregnant with my first child at the moment and we just found out it's a boy. I was raised in a house full of girls, even down to the dogs. I rarely had guy friends growing up, and the ones I did have were gay or questionable. I know absolutely nothing about boys or how to raise them. To me, girls are the easiest things in the world. Got any suggestions on how to keep myself from putting our son in fluffy-polka-dotted-lace-covered little outfits, or things I should know about raising boys????

By the way, I gotta say that I love this sight and your own personal sights. They always bring humor to my day!

BusyDad:

First, congrats! And second, thanks for the props on our sites! We love compliments, and it’s a bonus when someone thinks we’re funny, besides ourselves.

This boy thing. Don’t worry. My mom wanted a girl when I was born. She took matters into her own hands and prettied me up in dresses and paraded me proudly around the playground to the delight of all the little old ladies. I think I turned out ok, right? I mean, every once in a while I get the urge to prance about in something frilly, but besides that, you could never tell.

I am making the assumption here that you are not raising the boy with his father; otherwise, you wouldn’t be worried about the lack of male influence. Regardless, I’m confident that things will take care of themselves, especially once school or daycare starts. And there’s this wonderful child-rearing tool called TV. With those two factors on your side you’ll be swimming in Autobots and Decepticons (more like stepping on them, so never walk barefoot once weapon-oriented toys are introduced to the household) before you can say “Transform! And Roll Out!”

Just go with the flow here. I am a strong believer in natural gender tendencies. Boys will be boys no matter what you do or don’t do, so there’s no need to steer his preferences, toward (or away from) anything. Just raise him with a strong sense of right and wrong. And good manners. The other stuff falls into place by itself.

Mr Lady:

Now, I am going on the assumption that dad IS around, given your usage of "our".  I'll tell you a little something; my husband cried, like WEPT, when each ultrasound came back boy after boy.  He is the only boy from a home with two sisters and a single mom.  He wore silk nightgowns until he was 8.  He knew nothing about raising boys.

The thing is, babies are just babies.  They all like the same things (boobs, onesies, a good poop) and you won't even have to WORRY about gender for a long time.  You'll, in fact, be so bloody f'ing tired, you won't notice if you birth a cheetah for the first 4 months.

When the little personality pops out, then you'll start getting into the swing of it.  And dad will SO teach you the boy ropes.  Master the art of "Pull My Finger", practice up on your Lego building, and cover any open outlets, lest that little man attempts to re-wire your home.  Don't worry about craving the pink frill; there are plenty of totally bangin' boys things, too.  Wanna get really psyched?  Check out www.babywit.com.  That should keep you fairly occupied for a while.  Works for a boy or a girl, but who can resist the power of 3 inch Vans?  If you can, you're dead inside.  That's all I'm saying.

Also important to know is that girls are NOT easier, not by a lot.  Sure, they wipe their own butts earlier and do better in elementary school, but they come out with pom poms in their hands and tiaras on their heads and their first word is MINE.  (Oh, and they're not at all discreet about masturbating.  Just so you know.) 

My first two little bundles of tax deductions were boys, and I couldn't be happier about that.  Boys are awesome.  They are rough and tumble.  They are fun.  You're going to do great. 

Trixieintransit asks:

My husband whispered to me one morning this weekend as I was changing our son's diaper that someone had another "first" this week. Someone had woken up with a morning woody. And that "someone" wasn't my husband. No. That's right. He was gleefully sharing with me that his off-spring had produced a ..woody. All curious and surprised and dare I say IMPRESSED...he proceeded to ask me which of the toddler girls did I think our son was dreaming about...Our not quite 2 yr old son.
I just ignored him. Maybe elbowed him too. Not sure.
The next thing I know he is telling his friends on the phone. "Good morning! hey. Yeah. Guess what my kid did..."
So here's my question: Do men always announce to the world these kinds of facts? How should I respond in the future?

BusyDad:
WOO HOO!! ROCK ON KID! Get the beer. Where’s the beer? Hell, give the kid a beer! He’s obviously ready. And line up the chicks!

See that? That’s elation. And it’s not even my kid. When that first happened to my son, I almost rented out Hooters for a gala celebration with my drinking buddies to welcome him into our wolfpack.

Let your husband revel in this glory. This is his first validation that this baby thing is a real man in the making. Every father wants to be Mufasa hoisting little Simba up for the entire African plain to witness. That’s pride for you! There is nothing wrong with that.

Because this moment has already passed, let me just prime you for the next ones on the horizon, so that when it happens you can just step back and savor the pure unharnessed joy you are witnessing:

• The first time your son sings one of your hubby’s favorite songs.
• The first time your son reads one of your hubby’s favorite beer or booze labels.
• The first time your son expresses interest in your hubby’s favorite sports team/athlete.
• The first time he defends himself physically.
• The first time he clogs the toilet.
• The first time he belches real loud, on purpose.
• The first time he expresses interest in girls.
• His first hit, goal, touchdown, KO.

There are more, but this should cover you for a few years. Come back in about 7 years for a few more...

Mr Lady:

Well, welcome back, BusyDad, and way to totally answer that.  Just because I go a week without a post doesn't mean you have to totally leave me NO FUNNY ROOM. :)

Yes, Trixie, they always make a big deal out of it.  They continue to make a big deal out of it until puberty begins to rear it's ugly head, at which point you'll hear a lot of I have to work late tonight's and ums and errrs and When does sex ed start in school exactly's and Have YOU had the talk with him yet's. 

What they don't tell you when you have a boy is that from the second he is born, you will sayand hear penis or willy on weinerschnitzle or whatver it is you call it more time than you will inhale.  I say you brush up on your high five technique, and brace yourself for the talk you're doomed to have in 10 years. 

Tom  writes:

I have a wife, a stepdaughter, two daughters from a previous marriage, and a four-year-old boy.  Invariably, someone ends up feeling left out because I'm spending time with someone else. We've taken trips together, gone to the movies, zoo, science museum, parks, etc. But still, I really quickly run out of ideas for keeping the whole group entertained.

What are some new ideas for diverse family fun?

Mr Lady:

I come from a very large, very split family.  There are 4 of us that are direct siblings (well, maybe 3, but no one's done a paternity test just yet) 2 half brothers, one half sister who thinks she was just my best friend growing up, a step sister and two older ones we don't know directly.  Still, that's 8 kids to juggle.  You know how they kept us all entertained?

A garden hose.

That may have been the most interaction our Entire Family Unit ever had together.  Someone's always going to feel left out, Tom!  I have just three kids, from the same daddy, and we all live in the same house and every single second of the day, someone feels left out.  Once you have more than one child, the drama begins.

That wasn't really your question, though, was it?  My best, most honest response?  Board Games.  It's the one and only thing we do as a family that really brings us together, that ensures every single member of the family is interacting with every single other one.  Those Cranium games are great at any age level.  We play Zigity a lot, which is the Cranium card game, and even a four year old could play with a team-mate.  My husband and I have taught the boys Poker and BlackJack. (Yes, we know how badly this is going to backfire.  My 8 year old already is into me for a years' supply of Chex Mix.)  We play Monopoly and Trivial Pursuit a lot, too.  And you know what?  More than vacations, more than days at the beach, more than Christmas, those are my kids favorite times.  Especially when we let them win.

BusyDad: 

That’s a whole lotta kids! Luckily I have some experience in this area. I grew up watching the Brady Bunch. Mike and Carol always seemed to keep their blended family entertained and playing well.  You could pack up the old station wagon and take them to the Grand Canyon. But stay on the freeway and avoid ghost towns. Those old prospectors like to lock people up for no reason.

Or you could take them to Hawaii. Just make sure to check your kids’ pockets daily for ancient relics, because if someone has found a Tabu, you could wipe really badly off your surfboard.

Do your kids like to perform? They could write some really catchy tunes and win the local talent contest (we’re gonna keep on keep on keep on keep on movin’ – sorry, couldn’t resist. That tune is stuck in my head and I want some company). Backyard productions of Snow White are also fun for the whole family. If you need extra cast members, your neighborhood butcher has nothing better to do that weekend than to dress up as a dwarf. Just make sure to get a permit first. They’re really strict about backyard productions (at least here in California).

Two pop-culture references in two questions. If I’m gonna cop out from giving real advice, I should at least vary my bit somewhat. Amateur. For real, though: Kids these days are hard to entertain. With the barrage of media, games and consumer items out there, good old family fun times are just hard to come by. If it were me, I’d plan maybe just one really good family activity a month - something where you could all be together, but not be forced into the mix every second. Like the beach. The younger ones could build sandcastles, while the older ones could explore the boardwalk or boogie board. Or you could do a night out at Dave and Busters (my all-time favorite family place). You could all enjoy dinner together and then afterwards, the kids could play games, win tickets or do whatever on their own. And the best part? You could kick back and enjoy a Newcastle or two (they’ve got it on tap and you can order it in the 24 oz big glass), knowing that your family members are within a 20 yard radius of each other, and smiling. That’s what being king of your world is all about!

Due to the strains of a full drinking work schedule, and the compounding demands on BusyDad's liver time, Stark Raving Dads will be taking a short hiatus while BusyDad catches up on some work and some well-needed sobering up rest.

We will return Monday with new questions.

Also, it's open call for guest bloggers.  Any guy or gal crazy enough willing to volunteer a few minutes of time to field a question or two are asked to drop a line in the comments.

Thanks, and Happy Friday the 13th! 

Jared writes:

Why do kids always need to go to the restroom (or totally blow up a diaper) at the most inconvenient times and places...like at a restaurant  in the middle of dinner, or even when you are driving on the highway just after you passed the last exit for the next 30 miles?

BusyDad:

Dude, it looks like you totally missed out when Time-Life came out with that “Mysteries of the Unknown” book series. You probably remember the ads for the more exciting volumes in that lineup, such as Alien Encounters, Dreams and Dreaming and Mysterious Creatures. But volume 26, Those Darn Babies, came and went without much fanfare. The ad for it wasn’t comparatively exciting either:

Emily Paulson makes a reservation for 7:00 at a nice restaurant and is sure her 8-month-old is in the clear for today’s poop. “He just made a big one at 3:45 pm,” she thinks to herself. But once seated she looks over to see little Daniel making that “concentration face.”

What happens next?

Reeead the book!

It’s 10:30 at night and Richard Johnson finds that he’s used the last diaper. Baby Janie had a bottle at 9:00 and this last pee should do it for the night. He’s really tired and doesn’t want to drive to the supermarket for another box of Huggies. At 11:07 he hears a cry. He rushes to baby Janie’s crib and what does he find?

What was it?

Reeead the book!

Because you weren’t lucky enough to have failed to send back the book within 10 days purchased this volume, I’ll let you in on a little secret. It was benevolent aliens who did this to our kids. They wanted the human species to be prepared for the worst, so they put these tendencies into our babies so that we would steal napkins from Starbucks and stash them in our glove compartment and line our jacket pockets with them. So that we would keep extra kids’ underwear under our carseats and in our laptop bags. So that we would have an excuse to keep half empty Sparkletts bottles rolling around the floors of our cars. When you’re potty-ready, you’re apocalypse-ready. Thank you, aliens!

Mr Lady:

Yeah, what BusyDad said.

*see what happens when BD let's ME pick the post title?  I go all Raising Arizona on your butt.  Also, please don't pick on me for the poor formatting of this post.  If I told you how bad my husband's computer sucks, you'd call me a liar.